When Leaders Need to Grieve Too

When someone in your congregation passes away, it can be a deeply emotional time for everyone, including you. As a ministry leader, you’re there to offer comfort, guidance, and support—but that doesn’t mean you’re immune to the grief and loss. It’s okay to feel sad, to take a moment for yourself, and to acknowledge the weight of the moment. Taking care of yourself isn’t just a good idea—it’s essential.

Here are some simple ways to be gentle with yourself as you walk with others through this difficult time.

Allow Yourself to Grieve Too

It’s natural to want to put on a brave face for others, but you’re part of the community too. You might have a special connection to the person who’s passed, and taking time to grieve is completely okay. Giving yourself permission to feel and process can make you even more present and compassionate as you support others.

Reach Out to Someone You Trust

Being the leader can feel lonely, especially in moments like these. Reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, or another ministry leader (another great reason to build networks of trusted leaders) who understands what you’re going through. Talking things out, even for a few minutes, can give you the support you need to keep going and showing up for those who you serve.

Set Boundaries with Kindness

When people are grieving, they often look to you for comfort and guidance. It’s okay to set some gentle boundaries around when and how much you’re available. You don’t need to be on call every moment. By giving yourself a little breathing room, you’re actually making sure you’re able to offer the best support when you’re with others.

Find Moments for Personal Reflection and Prayer

Take time away for prayer, journaling, or just sitting in reflection. It helps you stay grounded, process your own feelings, and find peace amidst the sadness. Remember, it’s not only your job to support others; you’re on this journey of faith too, and nurturing your spirit is part of that.

Seek Professional Support

Talking to a counselloyr or grief specialist can help. If you’re not already meeting with someone, consider this your sign to start. We’ve written about the benefits of counselling and mental health care for ministry leaders on Ministry Forum. Find those posts here.

Let Your Community Support You

You’re a part of the community too, and it’s okay to let people know if you’re grieving or feeling down. Congregations often want to support their leaders, and by being open, you give them a chance to be there for you. You don’t have to carry it all alone; your openness can even model healthy grieving for others.

Give Yourself Time for Renewal

After you’ve walked through this journey of loss with your congregation, try to plan some time to recharge—whether it’s a day for yourself, a quiet retreat, or just a morning off. Time for rest and renewal can help you return to your work with fresh energy and perspective, ready to care for others with a full heart.